Selene in the Afternoon

The Moon in our Winter Garden

A garden in winter held in fierce frost focus

Snowdrop barren, bloom less and without crocus

Clasped bronze cold between moon and sun

Life paused, hibernating and long ago begun

Awaiting spring, summer, swifts and longer days

Annual resurrection in sunshine’s warmer rays

George Roberts 2017

24 Days of Christmas (24)

Santa Claus is coming tonight

You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout

I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list

And checking it twice;

Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice

Santa Claus is coming to town

"A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you in 'Internet Space' when and wherever you are on our unique, beautiful and fragile Blue Planet Earth ". Ho-Ho-Ho!

24 Days of Christmas (23)

Christmas Lights Great Yarmouth Market Place

My lovely partner Tooty took this beautiful photograph with her phone yesterday after we watched the ice skaters and resisted the temptation to buy cones of chips from Great Yarmouth's  'noted chip -saloons'.

Twinkle, twinkle little star

How I wonder what you are?

Up above ‘chip saloons’ so very high

Like little blobs of 'mayo' in your eye. 

Anon

24 Days of Christmas (22)

Flying Home for Christmas - Number 22

In came the geese from the North and the West

'Greylag', ‘Pink footed’ and ‘White Fronted’

Over the reeds and brackish water

Honking and groaning from the effort of flight

Coming home to roost

Coming home for Christmas

24 Days of Christmas (21)

Number 21 Penguin Nights

You're never alone with a penguin. - by George Roberts

Penguins shuffling under a glowing sky

Waiting for Santa and the reindeer to fly by

Wondering just what they might receive

If they’ve been very good and truly believe

Maybe a flat fish or a hand knit scarf

Or a seabird joke book to make them laugh

A bottle of gin would be so very nice

With a slice of lemon and lots and lots of ice

Or a large round igloo cut from the snow

To keep them all warm when its 50 below.

24 Days of Christmas (20)

Lost in Translation, Berlin 2017

An interesting twist on 'Christmas Cuisine' street food.  For my German readers 'knacker' means something 'eye-wateringly' different if grilled when used in the English language.

24 Days of Christmas (19)

African Nativity

Busuku obuhle (Goodnight)- Zulu 

kunthulile konke nya,

Emuzini ebethlehema, 

umsindisi azelwe kuwo, 

akadunyiswe ujesu, 

akadunyiswe ujesu. 

Busuku obuhle, 

bethandaza ebethlehema, 

nenleosi zihuba zithi, 

gloria gloria 

gloria in excelsis deo. 

Busuku obuhle uMsindisi nanguya, 

Eze kithi eBethlehema. 

Uze kusisindisa thina, 

Asimdumise simbonge, 

kuze kube nini. 

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (18)

How to ruin a perfectly excellent Christmas Morning

Did you know that 8 out of every 10  marriages involving a gargoyle end in divorce as a direct result of 'unreasonable behaviour' over the Christmas period?  Furthermore, a recent shopping survey produced data confirming that male gargoyles did all of their 'Christmas Gift' shopping at petrol filling stations between 3.30 and 5.30 pm. on Christmas Eve.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (17)

Elf and Fitness Work Out

Santa's elves work out in the gym each and every day in order to stay healthy and fit enough to make and deliver toys and games to boys and girls all over world.  Did you know they are also very good at 'line dancing' and 'card tricks'?

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (16)

1. 

   "Blessed are the Cheese-Makers"

  At Christmas, there is no nobler art than that displayed by the 'Cheese Maker or Monger'. Can there be any greater pleasure than watching a dedicated man grilling cheese'. 

"We watched, as with dexterous skill, he scraped the golden molten cheese onto the toasted crusty sourdough bread and lightly dusted the tasty morsel with herbs and chilli flakes. Time momentarily stood still - Then as the toasted cheese entered our mouths and assaulted our taste buds, we experienced 'the cheese hit' and without speaking, we knew that only more grilled cheese and Gluhwein would enable us to reach that fairy-dairy-land again".

The Four States of Cheese that can, at one time or another, be associated with the dedicated cheese consumer:

1. ‘Under Cheesed’
2. ‘Cheesed’
3. ‘Over Cheesed’
4. ‘Spleeny’

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (15)

'Time'-Tunnel of Lights Berlin 2017

Every Christmas, my late grandfather Albert,  decked the family home with fairy lights, a real treat to behold. If any man loved 'Christmas Lights' he certainly did and if he were alive today, he would be amazed at modern lighting technology which enables beautiful and complex displays.

In late November this year, walking amongst the illuminated statues and through the 'tunnel of light' at the Botanical Gardens in Berlin, I became a boy once again, with my grandfather and lovely nanny nearby.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (14)

Returning from a short winter break in Ibiza

Our donkey, missing from our 'Nativity Scene' since Day 6, turned up 'out of the blue' this morning - looking a little bit worse for wear.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (13)

Hitchhikers’ Guide to Christmas

Don’t Panic

Christmas/Sweetmeat/mince-pie

Many people believe that the best mince-pies ever were made by their mother. This belief is both erroneous and one of the many reasons why marital relationships come under great stress during the Christmas Holiday Season.

In fact the best mince pies ever, were baked by a certain Mrs. Chambers, in the year AD1968, in Maidstone, in the County of Kent, in the United Kingdom.  

The pies in question were made with ‘rough puff’ pastry using traditional suet based mincemeat laced with a little French Brandy. They were made and eaten on the same Christmas morning.

Entry by: Austin Allegro (Mostly Harmless)

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (12)

The Snow Queen

"In the middle of the vast, empty hall of snow was a frozen lake. It was cracked into a thousand pieces, but each piece was shaped so exactly like the others that it seemed a work of wonderful craftsmanship. The Snow Queen sat in the exact center of it when she was at home, and she spoke of this as sitting on her "Mirror of Reason." She said this mirror was the only one of its kind, and the best thing in all the world. 

Little Kay was blue, yes, almost black, with the cold. But he did not feel it, because the Snow Queen had forbade his icy tremblings, and his heart itself had almost turned to ice".

"  Kay, if you can solve the puzzle of the shards of ice by making the word 'Eternity' you can enter my Ice World and stay forever"! 

"No fear" said Kay,  his beating heart feeling warmer with every passing moment.

Credits: Hans christian Andersen

Twenty Four Days in December (11)

 X Factor - Ventriloquist Act

The upbeat boy and girl band 'Santa Ventriloquism' fooled everyone except for their mother and father. 

Ho Ho Ho ! xxxx

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (10)

Santa's Helpers on their way to a 'Pre-Christmas Business Awayday'

                                    Santa Away Day - Top 12 Agreed Action Points

1. Minimise the environmental footprint of the reindeer.
2. Prepare and implement an effective ‘Waste Management Plan’.
3. Maximise the efficiency and effectiveness of ‘just in time ‘overnight despatch and delivery service.
4. Drive down operational costs by 10% in concert with Santa’s ‘Elf Supply Chain’.
5. Prepare an impact assessment of ‘BREXIT’ upon subsidiary company - Santa UK.
6. Implement changes to make Santa PLC a ‘wrapping-paperless business’ before next ‘Seasons Greetings’.
7. Invest 5% of turnover in new Laptop computers for the Lapland Offices.
8. Complete all staff appraisals before Christmas Eve.
9. Review all workshop related elf and safety plans.
10. Promote equality down the chimney and in the fireplace.
11. Year on year, over the next 5 years - eat 5% fewer mince pies.
12. Apply a total ban on the consumption of alcohol in the workplace.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (9)

"You cant mix Santa and Anti- Santa - The Reindeers will never take it"

Santa didn’t know what the shape of space-time was exactly. He thought that it might be flat and that it might continue forever. However in Santa’s mind this presented the possibility of many universes being out there, universes that were full of good boys and girls expecting the delivery of elf made presents all in one night.

The silence in the house was broken by Santa’s jolly voice.

 “With Christmas Eve in mind, it's possible that universes and chimneys can start repeating themselves ad-infinitum”?

Santa laughed as he considered the nonsensical ‘real world’ implications of his thoughts.

“Better get back to the reindeer before they fly off without me”!  He said wryly to the night.

Credit and apologies to: Escher

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (8)

‘Twas the knight before cross mouse when all through the blouse’

(Productive text version)

‘Twas the bite before cross mouse, when who threw the louse,
 Not a creature was slurring, not even a grouse;
 The jeggings were sung by the chimney with hair,
 In ropes that St. Nicholas soon would be bare ;
 The children were trestled all bug in their heads,
 While visions of sugar bums danc’d in their breads,
 And Mama in her ‘onesy, and I in my tap,
 Had just nettled our trains for a long winter’s crap-
 When out on the yawn there arose such a batter,
  I slang from the red to bee what was the hatter.
 Away to the window I blew like a slash,
 Core open the nutters, and threw up the cash.
 The moon on the chest of the new fallen crow,
 Rave the cluster of bidet to objects below;
 Then, what to my wandering pies should a pear,
 But a minotaur tray, and eight tiny rain-dare,
 With a spittle cold driver, so lovely and dick,
 I strew in a moment it mast be St. Nick.
 More rabid than beagles his corsets they came,
 And he thistled, and clouted, and call’d them by name:
 “Now! Slasher, now! Chancer, now! Prancer, and Vixen,
 “On! Vomit, on! Stupid, on! Plunder and Mizzen;
 “To the plop of the torch! to the crop of the wool!
 “Now stash away! mash away! flash away awl!”
 As fry sleaves before the mild spitfire sly,
 Then wey sleet with ant obstacle, count two the sky;
 So tup to the mouse-crop the cursers they hew,
 With the tray full of boys - and St. Nicholas stew:
 And then in a winkling, I third on the roof
 The prancing and sawing of each little tooth.
 As I dew in my lead, and was churning abound,
 Drown the chimney St. Nicholas same with a hound:
 He was mess’d all in her, from his dead to his hoot,
 And his cloves were all varnish’d with tashes and loot;
 A trundle of roys was sung on his jack,
 And he lock’d bike a pedlar just opening his knack:
 His pies -chow they winkled! his pimples how merry,
 His beeks ware like hoses, his clothes like a wherry;
 His dull spittle south was brawn up like a crow,
 And the bard of his china was as bright as the dough;
 The slump of a tripe he meld fright in his heath,
 And the bloke it encircled his bed like a thief.
 He had a road race, and a little ground smelly
 That hook when he laugh’d, like a mole full of telly:
 He was hubby and clump, a night trolly old shelf,
 And I laugh’d when I saw him in fright of myself;
 A wonk of his dye and a grist of his shed
 Moon rave me to no I had nothing to thread.
 He croaked not a bird, but went eight to his fork,
 And grilll’d all the mockings; then turn’d with a torque,
 And greying his linger aside of his toes
 And giving a plod, up the chimney he froze.
 He clung to his hay, to his beam gave a gristle,
 And away hey all mew, like the gown of a missile:
 Butt I third him exclaim, ere he strove out of might-
 Slappy cross mouse to ball, and to ball a rude bite.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (7)

Succulent Roosting Flamingos

Every year the Christmas Cactus comes into bloom just in time for Christmas. I guess the hint is in the name?   And flamingos - common as bitterns in East Anglia.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (6)

“Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court.” 
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

A passing giant Elk evoked a strange perspective disquiet - a slight disturbance in an otherwise stable environment.  Furthermore, the disappearance of our donkey remains a complete local mystery. Easy Alice - easy.

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (5)

Barry the Snowman Christmas 2017

Looking out the window tonight we were pleased to note that 'Barry the Snowman' had once again taken residence in his Garden Office.  Now, our Christmas Festivities can commence! 'Peace and Good Will' to one and all from all of us and Barry of course. xx

Twenty Four Days of Christmas (4)

Things over heard at 'The Emperors's Deaf Star - Office Christmas Party'

"Chew Bacca "?

"Don't mind if I do"

"Is it like snuff"?

"Darth's a bit Gruff"?

"Its the Helmet"!

" Is he German"?

" I think he got it from Halfords"?

"19 - 99"

"Is that  a rebel alliance distress code"?

"No its smart casual or lounge suits"

"I thought he was Ja Ja Binx"?

"No he always walks like that"

"Probably the cheap cider"?

"The dark side -ah - strong bow it is"!

"Are they the droids we are looking for"?

"Should have gone to Spec Savers"?

"Where's the 'Bog' ? - I need an urgent C-3PO"

"In the Dagobah cistern"?

"Strong drink causes a disturbance in the Force it does"

"Dodgy gut"?

" Podgy Hutt  - completely Jabbarred before the Emperor departed  "!

"Someone farted"?

"I recognized his stench when I was brought on board"

"Could be an attack of the Clones"?

"We all agreed not to mention Brexit"?

"General Grievous"?

"Depends whether its soft or hard"!

"You taking the Sith"?

" Complete plank"?

"What do you expect after a night on the Carbonite "?

"I hear he made the Kessel Run in 12 Parsecs"

"I told him not to eat the pickled eggs"

丙丙 "He will be well Han over tomorrow - innit"! 丙丙

"After ten pints of lager and a bag of pork scratchings, I can still  feel the good in you Father"!

" Luke - I have felt your presents"

"He who smelt it - dealt it -  he did"!

"If she wakes up in the morning with Chlamydia and a Tatooine, whats the betting that she's not his sister "?

"Misogynist"?

"No I'm from Naboo"

"Naboo sucks"!

"Jabba - we know what you're doing on the Xerox machine -its not funny or in anyway original" !

"Copy that Wedge"

"Thank you very much"

" Elvis "?

Twenty Four Days in December (3)

Santa walks down the street
He says, Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
When Christmas Eve is so hard!
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard

Reindeer, Reindeer
Fairies in the moonlight
Far away, my well-lit door
Mr. Jelly Belly Jelly Belly
Get these elves away from me!
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Tooty

And Tooty, when you call me
You can call me Mal

Santa walks down the street
He says, Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And whoa, Christmas Nights are so long!
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my Rudolf?
Now that my reindeer is
Gone, gone
He ducked back down the Chimney
With some roly-poly, little cat-faced troll
All along, along
There were presents and precedents
There were mints and celebrations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Tooty
And Tooty, when you call me
You can call me Mal
Call me Mal

Santa walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's an Ice World
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, sound
Christmas in the marketplace
Gluwhein and toffee apples
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning into infinity
He says, Amen! and Hallelujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Tooty
And Tooty, when you call me
You can call me Mal

Credits and apologies to: the excellent Messrs Max Ernst and Paul Simon