Pescatarian 'Elitist Remoaner' Christmas Lunch in the Backyard

 

Huîtres chaudes - Oysters flash grilled with cream, cheese, garlic and black pepper

 

Fresh salmon roast and lightly hot smoked on the 'roaster-toaster' placed over burning logs in the fire pit.

The roast salmon on a flat bread hot from garden bread oven, with chickpea side and dill mayonnaise-cream dip.

A memorable, if smokey, Christmas lunch in our small backyard. Brilliant Champagne, provided by Jane and Tony, which added classic French 'joie de vivre' to the occasion.

After 11:00pm tonight I guess it's back to 'Boiled Beef and Carrots'. My thanks go to: David, Nigel, Vladimir, Teresa, Boris, Jeremy, The Daily Mail, The Daily Express, the BBC and all those 'True Brits and patriotic Flag Wavers' who made this 'Shit Show' possible.

There will be undoubted winners and losers in this social, political and economic electoral coup by the 'far right'.  In future years, we will be encouraged by 'Old Etonians' and the same newspapers to sanction our Government to remove rights and laws that protect wildlife, the environment and all of us who have insufficient power, money and influence to 'keep the wolf from the door'. Before you buy into this 'headline rhetoric', just take a moment to consider what you still have to lose and how much will be gained by a tiny minority of 'entitled people', at yours and the country's expense.

My final New Year message for all Brexiteers -

 "I hope that, having got what you so desperately wanted and undoubtedly deserve, you take full responsibility for the integral part you played in the process that made this particular dream a reality. It's all your own work, so if things get a bit tricky, don't try to blame either 'Remainers' or 'the Virus'. It's Brexit job done, 'tick in the box', you 'won' and we 'lost'. There, - "I've sucked it up" just like you wanted- so sit back in 2021 and own your work!"

For everyone else -

"Stay safe and may I wish you all a very Happy New Year.

Just Say No

 

'Just Say No' - oil on canvas - George Roberts - 2020. By kind permission of Rachel Roberts

A Merry Christmas to 'Cabine Readers' all around the World

 

2020 has been a very difficult year for almost everyone, but however hard it has been for you, I hope that Christmas brings you, your family and friends some moments of peace, joy and happiness. 

Think of your fellow man

Lend him a helping hand

Put a little love in your heart

You see it's getting late

Oh, please don't hesitate

Put a little love in your heart

And the world will be a better place

And the world will be a better place

For you and me

You just wait and see

Another day goes by

Still the children cry

Put a little love in your heart

If you want the world to know

We won't let hatred grow

Put a little love in your heart

And the world (And the world) will be a better place

All the world (And the world) will be a better place

For you (For you) and me (And me)

You just wait (Just wait) and see, wait and see

Take a good look around

And if you're looking down

Put a little love in your heart

I hope when you decide

Kindness will be your guide

Put a little love in your heart

And the world (And the world) will be a better place

And the world (And the world) will be a better place

For you (For you) and me (And me)

You just wait (Just wait) and see

People now, put a little love in your heart

Each and every day

Put a little love in your heart

There's no other way

Put a little love in your heart

It's up to you

Put a little love in your heart

Come on and

Put a little love in your heart

You've got to

Put a little love in your heart

Songwriters: Jackie De Shannon / Jimmy Holiday / Randy Myers

The Yuletide malt cold smoked salmon.

 

Now this is the finished article and I can tell you that if you could smell it you would want some! It is absolutely delicious, easy to make and less expensive than buying it at the supermarket. I like to imagine it was designed by a Scot to go with malt whisky because it so does! I am thinking of an old friend and colleague from Glasgow whilst I'm writing and if he is reading this - " a Merry Christmas mate and please get in touch it would be good to talk"

Now, as an old architect, how do I know how to cold  smoke salmon and why is it 'cold' smoked. Let me tell you more.

"Once upon a time in the olden days I worked with a 'trout fishing' quantity surveyor named Derek. He very kindly gave me a set of instructions for constructing a 'cold smoker' which included the method for curing and smoking the fish. Derek has sadly gone to the celestial  ' masonic trout lake in the sky' but every time I smoke salmon I think of him. I believe one of the best bits of Christmas is the way that activities you do and the things that you make, remind you of times and people from long ago. When Toot mixes the Christmas cake, we use Grandma Lucy's mixing bowl and once again she is there in the kitchen with us.

So nostalgia aside,  lets deal with hot and cold smoking. It is not rocket science! - which is much more difficult and may involve overlooking the humanitarian crimes of a technically experienced Nazi - a practice difficult for most, other than politicians and other sociopaths! 

 For cold smoking the fish must not exceed 30 degrees centigrade during the whole process. - Simples! 

Remember, before we cold smoke the salmon, we have to cure it.  The smoking process does help to preserve the fish but in this area, and much like the Saturn V rocket, it is the curing that does 'the heavy lifting'.

You might be wondering - what quality of salmon makes the best cold smoked salmon? Many American Internet sites will tell you that previously frozen salmon works fine. I have tried this and it can be used but I think it is texturally wrong, however, you don't need to spend a fortune on fresh wild salmon pulled from a Scottish Loch by Rob Roy. Chilled farmed salmon - descaled, skin on fillets - make brilliant cold smoked salmon and are what I use all the time.

"Now Christmas being Christmas and all Mr. Scrooge", best not to be parsimonious and for the 'Yuletide smoked salmon' I would recommend that, prior to the curing process, you place the fish in a bowl and pour a small glass of malt whisky over it. Leave the fish to marinade for about 30 minutes. If you leave it for longer than half an hour, you risk the the salmon becoming 'pissed' and if sufficiently fresh, dancing out of the bowl and into a brief relationship with the family cat. (See 'give the cat another goldfish')  

A word of warning once the  salmon has been removed from the whisky, resist the temptation to drink the marinade. - Its real fishy!

And so to Stage One -'The Cure' - what does the curing process involve?

Two salmon fillets after 6 hours in the cure mix

• Select a glass or ceramic dish which you will use for the cure. DO NOT USE A METAL DISH AS THIS MAY REACT WITH THE SALT IN THE CURE.
• Mix, in equal measure, salt and brown sugar -. you need enough of this mixture to cover the bottom of the curing dish and also to cover the salmon fillet.
• Add herbs to taste. I use fennel seeds and some chopped fresh fennel leaves.
• Grate the zest from a lemon and add about two full teaspoons  to the cure mixture.
• I usually add a couple twists of cracked black pepper.
• Cover the dish with cling film or something more environmentally sustainable and place in the refrigerator for six hours -  (don't use a goat because, although they are environmentally friendly, they cannot be relied upon to resist the temptation of eating the contents of your fridge or, come to that matter, its operational components).
• The salt and sugar cure mix removes water from the fish so after six hours there will be some liquid, pour this liquid off, reseal the dish and replace in the refrigerator for a further six hours.

Stage Two - 'Washing and Drying' - this stage washes out salt and firms the fish flesh.

The salt and sugar crust being washed from the salmon under running water

• Remove the fish from the refrigerator and the cure mixture.
• Dispense with the cure solution.
• Wash both sides of the fish fillet under running water - in total for at least an hour. The longer you wash it for, the less salty the salmon will taste. The thicker the fillet the longer the wash required. The fish is cured so you can cut a small piece away to eat and test. Remember, if you take your sample from the thinner end of the fish, it will taste less salty than a sample from the thicker end.
• After washing, pat dry with kitchen towel, place on a mesh rack and leave in a dry cool place and dry over night (12 hours).

Stage Three - 'Cold smoking' - this stage adds the lovely smoky flavour. 

Charging the home-made dust holder with a mix of apple-wood and oak dust

Putting the salmon fillets into the smoke chamber

Applying a combustion source to the dust in the smoker fire box

• Source your hardwood dust. I use a mixture of apple wood and oak dust. I buy the apple-wood dust off the internet and my son Andy, being a carpenter, gives me the oak dust. I combine them 50-50 and add a little brown sugar to the mix.
• How you proceed from now depends upon the smoker you have available and on how smoky you like your salmon.
• All your smoker has to do is to enable the dust to burn without flame, enable the smoke from it to remain in contact with the fish and to prevent the temperature of the fish rising above 30 degrees centigrade. Anything extra offered by the smoker may be dismissed as 'fancy-dannery' or 'show-boating'
• I smoke my salmon for about two hours - which does for me rough as I am - "stick another fish up the pipe number one"!
• After smoking, the salmon needs to rest on a rack in a cool space over night (12 hours).
• The fish is now ready to eat. It will keep in a refrigerator for up to 5 days and freezes spectacularly well.
• A good sharp long thin bladed knife is a useful acquisition for creating wafer thin slicers just before you eat.

'Chill' whilst the smoke does its magic - a glass of wine helps the time pass

I hope you decide to give smoking salmon  a try. It is good fun and at the very least will create a strong bond between you and the family cat. Merry Christmas apprentice smokers!

Planets going west

 

The planets Jupiter and Saturn are heading for the closest conjunction since the 1600s. A conjunction is a line of sight phenomena. The orbits of Jupiter and Saturn are in reality separated by a vast distance but occasionally they line up with the Earth and appear to be as one when viewed with the naked eye. They will be at their apparent closest on the 21st of December 2020. These two gas giant planets will provide good views for a few days before and after, so why not have a look? Binoculars or a small telescope will provide even more interesting observations with Jupiter's Galilean Moons being on display. To see this conjunction you will require an unobstructed western horizon. The planets will drop below the horizon and will be unobservable shortly after sunset, so from the UK you need to be ready at about 5:00pm. Take care to wait for the Sun to set before using binoculars or a telescope, otherwise you will PERMANENTLY DAMAGE YOUR EYES and you could lose your sight. 

Barry the Snowman 2020

 

Yesterday in Lowestoft we had our first snow of the year and this morning when I went into the garden I noticed that Ridlington Barry had made a welcome return to his Lowestoft Office. This marks the official beginning of Christmas - the celebrations may commence. 

Like Santa, Barry is not required to wear a mask or socially distance but being a responsible Snowman he is restricting his activities to the garden.

Checking back, I noted that Barry did not make his appearance last year until the 8th of December. He clearly realised that an early appearance in Covid 2020  would cheer us all up!

Nice to see that Barry is a big supporter of vaccination!

“They’ve put ‘nano-bots’ in the Covid Vaccine to control your brain”

When someone you don’t know, posts

that “the Government doesn’t want you to know”.

The next thing they say

more probably than may

be because their facts and tone

were obtained via some 'dickhead with a phone'

Please pause, please don’t despair

and think twice before you share

Be responsible and stay calm

"Warning bullshit can cause us harm"

But if you choose to ignore this fact and engage with this deadly farce

You will be remembered for talking bollocks, possibly posthumously, through your arse.

Anon

Lockdown Christmas can be fun!

 

No 'horrible' virus is going to prevent Papa and Toot from having their extraordinary family around them at Christmas. ( This is so important to us that I've started writing in the third person !) 

As we could not have them all at 'Chimney Pot Cottage' this year we decided to make representative dollies for each and everyone to hang on our tree. Love you all! You know who you are!

Santa, applying the same magic he uses to squeeze down chimneys, has miniaturised and is shown above kicking the crap out of a SARS virus. Go Santa!