Twenty Four Days in December (3)

Santa walks down the street
He says, Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
When Christmas Eve is so hard!
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard

Reindeer, Reindeer
Fairies in the moonlight
Far away, my well-lit door
Mr. Jelly Belly Jelly Belly
Get these elves away from me!
You know, I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Tooty

And Tooty, when you call me
You can call me Mal

Santa walks down the street
He says, Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And whoa, Christmas Nights are so long!
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my Rudolf?
Now that my reindeer is
Gone, gone
He ducked back down the Chimney
With some roly-poly, little cat-faced troll
All along, along
There were presents and precedents
There were mints and celebrations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Tooty
And Tooty, when you call me
You can call me Mal
Call me Mal

Santa walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's an Ice World
Maybe it's his first time around
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, sound
Christmas in the marketplace
Gluwhein and toffee apples
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning into infinity
He says, Amen! and Hallelujah!

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Tooty
And Tooty, when you call me
You can call me Mal

Credits and apologies to: the excellent Messrs Max Ernst and Paul Simon